4 Common Sex Myths Busted

4 Common Sex Myths Busted

Myths exist to explain natural occurrences or cultural phenomena. They make complex concepts digestible and accessible for curious communities. These shorthand ways of understanding life's mysteries tend to be so widespread that they become general knowledge, often without people even knowing they aren't proven to be true.

Having a culture that likes keeping taboo topics like sex out of open dialogue, it's no wonder Filipinos still believe in many myths about it. An environment that shuns serious, informative, and affirmative discussions around intimate life becomes a breeding ground for misinformation and poor sex education.

To separate fact from fiction, we examine four commonly-held myths about sex.

  • MYTH 1: You Can Tell If Someone Is a Virgin
  • MYTH 2: Physical Arousal Means You Want to Have Sex
  • MYTH 3: Women Want Sex Less Than Men
  • MYTH 4: Pulling Out Is an Effective Means of Birth Control

MYTH 1: You Can Tell If Someone Is A Virgin

Let’s break this down into a couple of parts before we debunk this myth.

What’s a virgin?

Strictly speaking, a virgin refers to a person who has not had sexual intercourse. “Virgin” or “virginity” are words that also refer to purity, innocence, and even inexperience. Moral connotations that people might attach to being a virgin or virginity most likely come from a cultural or religious influence. More about virginity and purity later.

How can you tell if someone’s a virgin?

Unless someone tells you outright that they’ve had sex, there’s no physical indicator that a person has had sex.

I get how that might be true for men. But what about women? Doesn’t the presence of a hymen tell you if they’re a virgin?

The hymen is a tissue that covers part of your vaginal opening. There’s no conclusive scientific evidence of what the hymen contributes to a person's biology. It does not function as a vaginal freshness seal. It doesn’t completely block it from intruders. How would your period come out if it did? It can tear for many reasons and not just sexual penetration. Strenuous physical activities like biking or stretching, and even insertable period care products like tampons and menstrual cups, can cause the hymen to tear. Some people don’t even notice when it tears.

Bleeding During Sex

A common misconception about first sexual intercourse is that the vagina will bleed from the hymen tearing. Bleeding during sex can happen for different reasons. A vagina lubricates itself when it’s physically aroused to help reduce friction during penetrative sex. Without a lubricant, unnecessary friction will cause the wearing of vaginal tissue and bleeding.

Like any bodily function, physical or mental blocks can compromise self-lubrication. Stress and anxiety can keep you from getting turned on, making insertion difficult. Store-bought lubricants are safe and can help make sex go without a hitch.

Infection can irritate the tissue of your reproductive organs and can lead to bleeding. If you’re experiencing bleeding or unusual symptoms in your intimate area, consult with a medical professional. Trust expert advice from an OB-GYN and avoid falling for even more sex myths. Look no further, because you can book a consultation with one here.

Virginity and Purity

Virginity is NOT the ultimate sign of purity. 100% a social construct. No one placed your purity and innocence in your reproductive organs. We’ve established with the facts about the hymen that it doesn’t physically exist. Bleeding during sex also isn’t an indicator of virginity and is most likely caused by a lack of lubrication.

That being said, your value as a person isn’t tied to your sexual experience (or lack thereof) or your sex organs. Let’s all also acknowledge the double standard that men and women have when it comes to having multiple partners.

Your value isn’t tied to your sexual experience, and it never will be.

MYTH 2: Physical Arousal Means You Want to Have Sex

First and foremost, physical arousal, which can include having an erection, vaginal lubrication, pupil dilation, etc., doesn’t equal giving consent. Biological functions aren’t binding contracts that you should uphold. If they were, then pregnancy must happen every time there is ovulation. Just because you get wet or have an erection doesn’t mean you want sex.


A recent study by Oxfam about Filipino women revealed how many do not know that arousal does not mean consent. Physical arousal is an involuntary reaction to even non-erotic stimuli. There’s no rational conscious thought behind it, so it does not mean that your mind wants it, which is an essential part of consent.

Sexual consent should be an ongoing dialogue between participants to engage in sexual activity. It should be resounding and enthusiastic. In other words, you need to want it to actually want it.

Physiological arousal aside, if you aren’t mentally aroused and you don’t agree to intimate acts, then that doesn't count as consent. There’s no such thing as “liking it eventually.” Psychological barriers can have physical manifestations like erectile dysfunction (i.e., the inability to produce and maintain a firm enough erection for sex) and vaginismus (i.e., the involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles in response to unwanted penetration). Both of these conditions make penetration difficult and lower sexual performance, which can cause even more stress.

Since consent should be an ongoing dialogue, you can withdraw from it anytime. There’s no such thing as being too far along in the process for you to take back consent. It’s possible to consent at the beginning and no longer consent after some time. Moods can change for several reasons. If you aren’t feeling it, you should communicate that with your partner.

Sex shouldn’t be one-sided and should be enjoyable for both parties. We are entitled to have the best, most pleasurable, and most responsible kind of sex because the hormones secreted during it treat orgasms as a reward. If it’s not feeling good, then it’s not clicking.

MYTH 3: Women Want Sex Less Than Men

A 2012 study by Ohio researchers asked college students how often they think about sex in a day. Men averaged 19 sex thoughts a day, while women averaged 10 sex thoughts,a day. By a negligible margin, men thought about sex more than women.

Humans are designed with a reproductive urge. Even if you don’t want to have children, your body will continue its reproductive functions. Our sex hormones are natural and very powerful. They give rise to physical and mental changes that will facilitate reproduction, whether or not you want to reproduce. Familiarizing yourself with testosterone's and estrogen's effects on our bodies can help you appreciate how we are sexual beings.

Filipino Culture and Women’s Sex

Filipino culture paints women who want or even just think about sex in a bad light. The opposite is true for men. There’s nothing wrong with women having sex and wanting sex. There’s also nothing wrong with them being open about their desires. Our culture has long been obsessed with the Maria Clara archetype – demure, religious, and gentle. It wouldn’t be wild speculation to say that the burden of the expectations our culture has on women contributes to their being sexually repressed. Living in an environment that shuns discussions about the many aspects of sexual health can have negative effects on people.

  • Rigid gender roles
  • Negative attitudes toward others
  • Poor sex education
    • Inability to ask for or give consent
  • Guilt and shame toward natural
  • biological processes
  • Low self-esteem
  • Poor mental health in general

MYTH 4: Pulling Out Is an Effective Means of Birth Control

Contraception and the Chances of Getting Pregnant

There will always be a chance of pregnancy in the absence of contraception. The likelihood of getting pregnant differs among the forms of birth control and circumstances. Some forms of contraception are more effective than others. For example, having sex completely without any form of protection, or “raw,” besides withdrawal will have a higher chance of resulting in pregnancy than having sex on birth control pills in addition to pulling out. The better the form of contraception is at keeping sperm from coming into contact with an egg and therefore fertilizing it, the more reliable it is to prevent pregnancy.

The withdrawal method, or “pulling out,” is when the penis is removed from the vagina before it ejaculates. In essence, it may seem like a passable form of birth control, but there are plenty of other things to consider when pulling out. Just because ejaculation takes place outside the vagina doesn’t mean that it’s guaranteed that no semen, which contains sperm, can enter.

Pre-ejaculate (aka pre-cum) is an involuntary reaction to being sexually aroused and the penis’ way of naturally lubricating itself. You may not even feel it sometimes because of the stronger sensations that happen during intercourse that steal its spotlight. Pre-cum may contain sperm, especially if there was a prior ejaculation. Leftover semen, no matter how small the quantity, can still lead to pregnancy.

No matter how good someone says they are at pulling out, it’s still best to accompany it with other forms of protection like condoms or spermicide. It’s also best to have contraception on hand for when you have sex because it may be difficult to decide at the moment. In times when your responsible decisions will contend with your hormones, easy access to birth control can save you from a lot of stress.

Best Form of Birth Control

Combined contraception methods will greatly reduce the risk of an unwanted pregnancy. No amount of your or your partner’s pleasure is worth your peace of mind. Abortion isn’t legal in the country, so it’s best to cover your bases now than regret your decision later. You can shop for some forms of birth control directly from our website. We offer condoms and birth control pills like Faye and Lizonya. If you want to learn more about the various forms of contraception, such as IUDs and implants, you can read up on them here.

In Conclusion

The lack of open and safe discussions about sexual health makes communities susceptible to believing in myths and misinformation. For a topic that can birth severe consequences, facts about sexual health are invaluable.

Did you believe in any of the myths we busted? Are there any others that you want us to cover? Let us know through any of our contact channels, and we’ll get to some more myth-busting.

  • MYTH 1: You Can Tell If Someone Is a Virgin
    • There is no physical indicator of a person’s first sexual intercourse.
  • MYTH 2: Physical Arousal Means You Want to Have Sex
    • Getting turned on, which is an involuntary reaction, does not mean a person wants to have sex.
  • MYTH 3: Women Want Sex Less Than Men
    • Women think about sex just as much as men do, if not slightly less.
  • MYTH 4: Pulling Out Is an Effective Means of Birth Control
    • There is still a risk of pregnancy when using the pull out method.
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